Punk may have died in the 80s, but in 2005, IT’S ALIVE!

Black screen.  Words:

Man has no individual I. But there are, instead, hundreds and thousands of separate small "I"s, very often entirely unknown to one another, never coming into contact, or, on the contrary, hostile to each other, mutually exclusive and incompatible.

Scene opens looking out of windshield of car playing old Thurmus CD.  Shift to driver – unkempt drunk punk driving & grabbing a bottle of vodka & mixing a bloody mary.  He’s driving erratically & looking for cars behind him, rocking out all groggy – very obviously partied out.  He crashes into a car which crashes into a gas station and explodes, he sees the explosion, looks into his rearview mirror again, and sees a cop behind him.  He gets out of his car and starts cussing, yelling kicking his car, and yelling to the cop . . .

Lead Singer:  FUCK!!!!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE PIECE OF SHIT COP!!  GOD DAMN MOTHER FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!  ARE YOU HAPPY!?

Cop steps out of the car with his hand over his weapon,

Cop:  (firmly, and loudly) EXCUSE ME!?

Lead Singer:  If I didn’t have to look out for you dumb fucking pigs, I could watch the goddamn road in front of me!

Next scene Lead Singer is in jail on the phone. 

Lead Singer:  Dude, you wouldn’t believe it, I’m in fucking jail and they say there’s no way I’m getting out anytime soon.

Kyle:               FUCK!  No way.  What happened?

Lead Singer:  I know!  Can you believe it!?  I told them I was in a band and everything, they don’t even fucking care – un-American fascist rat bastards!!  (Whispering) That’s why you guys gotta come bust me out.  I already have it all planned out, these stupid fucks won’t even know what hit them.  All you got to do is . . .

Kyle:               (Hangs up phone, and turns to his brother Justin) Well, our lead singer’s in jail, and the band is fucked.

Justin:             What happened?

Kyle:               Dude I don’t even know, I just hung up when he started talking about us helping him escape.

Justin:             This is so weak, we finally have shows lined up at a place besides the fucking Cow Shed, and he goes and pulls this shit.  (Both pause looking off into distance shaking heads).  We can’t pull out, we gotta just find a new singer.

Kyle:               Great Idea, uh, lemme just pull one out of my ass, you want to see if there’s one in there (putting ass in Justin’s face)

Justin:             Come on (pushing ass out of face) we put too much into this to just bail now.  I’d rather put any asshole out there while we jam than quit this all together. 

Kyle:               Even THIS asshole (puts ass in Justin’s face again)

Justin:             (laughing & pushing Kyle away again) We can just post a few classifieds online & hold some auditions, it will be fun!

Have a bunch of people come do auditions – all really bad.  Driving listening to Manic Hispanic “I want to be a Cholo” all depressed because they don’t find anyone.  They drive past a lineup of work-a-day Mexicans.  They look @ each other, look at the radio, look at the Mexicans, look at each other.

Justin:             Si Mon! (with song)

They stop and chase around Mexicans with their instruments and a microphone trying to get them to sing for the band – this is coordinated with the “Want to be a Cholo” song. No takers.

Next scene, they’re back in their apartment in the same seats as when they found out lead singer is in jail.  All looks Bleak. 

Kyle:               I know!  Why don’t we just make our own singer?

Justin:              Very funny.

Kyle:               No, seriously, you’re the one who’s always telling me how they’re growing skin in the laboratories and shit like that.  And all the shit they’re doing with cloning.  You’re in medical school, you should be able to figure this out.

Justin:              (amused) Dude, you’re talking like science fiction shit!  Tell me you don’t actually believe we can make our own band member?

Kyle:               Why the fuck not?  Remember that stuff you were telling me about bions?  We talk about this shit all the time, it can’t be that hard.

Justin:              Cloning a human can’t be that hard?

Kyle:               Well no, we’ll have some full body parts too.  I know some people in some creepy forums overseas, we could get chunks of Sid Vicious!!

Justin:              (standing up) Holy shit (pointing at him)  you’re actually serious (backing away)and that really worries me.

Kyle:               You don’t need to worry about me, I’m just being proactive.  Think about it, if you try this, think about how much more you’ll understand about the complete mechanics of a human body, which would just make you that much better of a doctor.  I think it should be required supplemental experimentation for every doctor’s proper education.

Justin:              I could use it towards my thesis . . . . You’re right, we can fuckin’ try.

Kyle:               That’s the spirit!  Okay, let’s talk materials.

In the Night Song to boys going in labs, digging in graves, getting body parts in the mail

Split Screen show one person, and other person – backing with us flag & England flag if you want. Punk Cameos . . . whatever they think to get some dna.Flash to pictures of them sewing parts together, inserting skin cells in spaces between flesh chunks.

Kyle:               Okay, now he’s all together, how do we start him?

Justin:              Maybe CPR?

Kyle:               You mean you don’t even know?

Justin:              NO!  I told you this is sci-fi shit, I’ve never done this before!

Kyle:               Well, then maybe we should rent some sci fi flicks.  Or, when you make a machine, what gets it running?  Maybe we just need to install a starter that hooks into his heart or something.

They try CPR, doesn’t work.  They try electrocuting him, parts go flying everywhere, they have to put ‘em back together again. 

Justin:              Dude, we already have a corpse of assorted parts rotting away in the room, I don’t want to try any more stupid shit that shoots body parts all over the place.  We’re going to need help.  I’m going to have to ask a teacher some vague questions tomorrow, and hope to get a clue.  We gotta find a way to preserve him in the mean time. 

They decide to preserve him in corn syrup and top ramen flavor packets while finding out how to bring him to life.  In class, teacher talking, Justin falling asleep, trying to stay awake.  Girl sleeping a few tables away, teacher asks her a question about the lesson . . .

Teacher:           Could you explain to the class  . . . .

Girl:                 Yeah you start by asking someone who’s awake.  Goes back to sleep.

Justin:              Hey don’t you go to the Longshot?

Girl:                 Yeah, sometimes to see my friend’s band play . . . you’re in a band that plays there, right?

Justin:              Yeah, the Undergods.

Girl:                 Yeah, you guys are good – I actually dig watching your band more than my friend’s. 

Justin:              Really?  Thanks!  Cool.  Well, I was wondering if you might be able to help me figure something out . . . you know, now that you’re awake and all.

Girl:                 Yeah, can you believe that dumb lazy fuck wants me to do his job for him? 

Justin:              Yeah, that’s why I need help figuring shit out, I don’t learn jack in that class.

Girl:                 What are you trying to figure out?

Justin:              Well, it would kinda be easier to show you than explain.  Do you have any free time any time soon?

Girl:                 I got about 2 hours before I got to be anywhere.

Justin:              Perfect.  I’ll start to explain what I can on the way, but first, what are your thoughts on biogenesis?

Girl:                 Oh that’s easy; everything takes an agreement between two entities to come into being.  Everything that is explained on a singular basis is a lie, like gravity.  That’s why it’s so in our nature to try to defy it.  Am I following you or riding with you?

Justin:              I’ll drive us .  You mean there’s no such thing as gravity?

Girl:                 No, it exists – but kinda like a double speak.  Gravity is actually the force that pushes masses apart.  Orgone energy is what holds masses together.  You see, whenever they try to explain gravity, everything starts to fall apart – relativity, quantum physics, all start to get obscure.  They discuss the graviton which is supposed to have 0 mass and 2 units of spin.  This is stupid.  What they’re seeing is the interplay of orgone energy and gravity.  Orgone energy works in just the opposite way of osmosis.  Where with osmosis, cells move from a more highly populated area to a less populated area, orgone energy gathers like energy into this growing affinity.  The proposed nature of orgone energy aligns with the the evolution of protozoa into larger, more complex organisms.  But gravity is important because it provides the necessary amount of repulsion to keep things spaced out enough.  So the working of both of those forces sets the spin, maintains the motion, grows the balance of all of existence.  With this in mind, our personal preferences kind of set everything in a natural, random, order.

Justin:              How come I’ve never heard this before?

Girl:                 Well, maybe because it’s all just some bullshit hypothesis that I pieced together with no factual basis.  Or maybe it’s because the rift between science and religion is a total sham.  Maybe all the laws of physics delivered to the masses, like the holy scriptures given to the masses are only the ones that help perpetuate the oppression of those masses.  I mean,  if we were allowed to move towards the things that stimulate us, and away from those that repel us, we’d be moving in harmony with the universe.  But there are always people who want to control the universe, thus they’re always confusing us on binaries so we can be off balance and dependent on them to set what they call order through abiding by their laws.  Laws convert binaries into dualities so we’re always accepting one and rejecting the other, rather than incorporating both into our realities.  They tell you what should stimulate you and repel you; what you should move towards and away from; they forever aim at corralling us towards their whims at the expense of all of existence.  Orgone energy sought to protect itself from control, restrictions, and the like, by fueling itself through emotion.  Thus, throughout literature, you see this constant battle for control over the emotions.  When really, the unpredictability of emotions is the salvation of all existence.  Accepting your own sacred heart as your lord and savior will save you from the eternal damnation of moving wrong, eating wrong, fucking wrong, sleeping wrong.  We’re all wrong when we live in accordance with their laws and in conflict with our own nature.

They get to the house & park.

Girl:                 Sorry, I’m babbling but this all comes together.  Have you heard of Willhelm Reich?

Justin:              Maybe vaguely, as a quack.

Girl:                 Yeah, they never teach us the good shit, you always have to find that on your own.  Anyways, he thought that all the scientific models were bullshit explanations that they had to develop all these fictitious symbols and components to describe.  And then the more and more they discovered, the less their model worked, so they developed more and more fictitious components to adapt their findings to their working model.  So he said, lets throw out the model and start all over.  The basis of all his work is the natural function of the orgasm.

Now they’re in the living room and Kyle’s sitting on the couch, there’s a stink in the room.

Girl:                 What’s that smell?

Justin:              Okay, I better explain now.

Kyle:               Who are you?  Justin, I thought this was just between the two of us.  What’s going on?

Justin:              We need help.  (To the girl) Look, you like the band, right?  You know how hard it is to have a decently functioning punk band these days?  Well we lost our lead singer, and tried to do some auditions, and got really desperate, so well.  Opens bathroom door – We created a monster.

See punkenstein monster laying in a bathtub of dirty looking, thick, murky fluid.

Girl:                 Woh, uhm, wow, and now you uh, just need to start him? 

Kyle:               We have to kill her now.

Justin:              Do you think you could help us?

Girl:                 (Laughing) Holy shit!  This is like straight out of some sci-fi movie.  I can’t believe you guys actually did this.

Justin:              Hey, well fuck you if you’re just going to be like that.

Girl:                 No – still laughing – it’s kinda commendable really.  I mean, scientists these days are such a bunch of sell out pussies that the extents of their experimentation is figuring out how to give tortillas a ten-year shelf life.

Kyle:               So why do you keep snickering like an asshole?

Girl:                 It’s a natural defense mechanism dick head; I’m still in shock and awe of all the possibilities at hand.  Fuck, wow!

Justin:              So you’ll help?

Girl:                 I’ll tell you whatever I know and do whatever I can, and we’ll just have to see what happens.  God, this is wild.

Justin:              You can’t tell anyone.

Girl:                 Are you kidding?  People think I’m nuts enough, in fact, I’m going to need you to sign a waiver releasing me from any liability for whatever happens here.

Kyle:               I don’t like this.

Justin:              Look, she already knows now, and she’s not freaking out.  We can at least hear what she thinks might work.

Kyle:               Then we can kill her?

Justin:              To girl – So you were saying, function of the orgasm?

Girl:                 Oh god, yeah.  Ok, so Reich’s all about superimposition.  The function of life imposes itself microcosmically and macrocosmically everywhere – it implants the information for its continued existence.  The function of the orgasm is Tension, Charge, Discharge, Relaxation.  This pattern can be seen in cellular division as well as earthquakes, wave forms and political movements, it’s everywhere.  The charges & discharges determine the expansions and contractions governed by the pulsations of everything in existence.

Kyle:               We already tried CPR, it didn’t work.

Girl:                 Have you read the book or seen the movie Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein?  The doctor in that movie used electric eels or something to charge the water the monster was in.  This is crazy.  Ok.  Maybe I can put my foot in the tub, masturbate, then when I orgasm, my discharge of tension into the water can charge the water that he’s in.

Kyle:               That’s fucking gross!  Where did you find this girl?  She’s going to mess up our monster.

Girl:                 Look, if life does only begin upon agreement of two, then only whatever consciousness at the moment of orgasm that aligns with the consciousness you imprinted during his creation will be transferred to him through the charge.

Justin:              And if not?

Girl:                 Then the whole theory is bullshit, nothing will happen, and you’ll have nothing to worry about.

Justin:              You won’t tell anyone?

Girl:                 I AM a scientist, like you.  Like I said, as weird and twisted as this seems, I respect you for it, and feel privileged to be part of this experiment.

Kyle:               you really think this silly shit could work?

Girl:                 I doubt it, but it’s worth a fuckin’ try.

Justin:              Whips his head up suddenly – OK, let’s try.

Girl:                 Slips off sandal and toes the fluid in tub -  Ill!  withdrawing her foot in disgust and whipping it into the sink to rinse it off.  What the fuck do you have him in?

Kyle:               Corn Syrup and Top Ramen flavor packets.  We needed to preserve him. 

Girl:                 Gross.  Ok, can you guys, clean that shit out and put him in plain, tepid water, while I write up my little waiver?  Oh, and maybe add some salt for electrolytes.

Orgasm clip: Beethoven song punk rocked out, black dude from Bruce Springsteen video, clips from different punk shows and punk scenes, etc.

Groaning sound, splash, gasp -

Girl:                 Holy shit it worked!  Uh, ok, I’m out.  See ya.  Exits

Kyle:               It’s alive?

Justin:              It’s alive!

Kyle:               Fuck, now what do we do.

Girl:                 (comes back through door with dvd, sets it on the table) – You may need this for training purposes.  You know, every perfect monster needs a good education.

Kyle:               What is it?

Girl:                 Uh, 7 habits of highly effective punkers.  I made it as a joke to my boss.  Gotta go.

Justin:              Need a ride?

Girl:                 I’ll run thank you.

Education of Punkenstein:

Put in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Punkers DVD:

Run some tests at a mall:

<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         <!--[endif]-->Aversion to consumerism

<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         <!--[endif]-->Vomits when smells patchouli or burning sage

<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         <!--[endif]-->Growls at yuppies

<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         <!--[endif]-->Remains at a 20 foot radius from police officers.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         <!--[endif]-->Likes looking at girls, doesn’t much like hearing them.

Justin:              Now we need to get you some clothes (in front of Hot Topic), where can we find the perfect attire for the perfect punk.  Next scene – walking into Goodwill. 

Kyle:               Alright, now go grab whatever you like.

Punkenstein picks some tacky pants, jeans, & t-shirts.

Teaching him the songs, doesn’t like some of them, says the bloody writing blows.

Getting ready to perform at the Longshot – hanging out in parking lot in back smoking, monster starts flipping out..

Kyle:               Dude, what is he doing?

Justin:              Shit, he’s starting a fight with himself again, god damn.

Monster hitting himself and trying to tear parts off calling ‘em names.

Monster:          Filthy addict!  Fuck you pussy poseur!  Fuck you American piece of shit!  Fag!  Fascist!  Fuck you!  Fuck you!  Fuck you!  Boston accent & English accent thrown in at times.  OH YEAH!?  Shits in hand and throws in face.

Kyle:               This is out of control, what the fuck!?  How long has he been doing this?

Justin:              It’s just getting really bad now.  Fuck, we should try to stop him.

Kyle:               What the fuck is your problem dude!?

Monster knocks him out of the way.

Justin:              What are you doing?  This is totally fucking lame!  Look what you did to Kyle, look what you’re doing to yourself.  What the fuck is your problem!?

Monster:          I need a fucking fix.

Justin:              What!?

Monster:          Wails

Random voice in the parking lot yells, “alright, woo hoo!”  Monster throws something & kills them.

Justin:              Alright, just give me a few minutes, & tone it down before they call the cops.  Runs inside & sees girl

                        You gotta help; he’s freaking out and he says he needs a fix.

Girl:                 Who did you make him from?

Justin:              There were a few heroin addicts in the mix.

Girl:                 Well I got some E cut with Heroin?

Justin:              That might work; his parts are fighting; the serotonin flow might help.  OK, can I have one?

Girl:                 Here.  Goddamn it better be a good show tonight because that was my alternative entertainment right there.

Monster Wails

Male Voice Screams, “Ahh my eye!”

Justin runs back outside.

Justin:              Here you eat this, it works.

Punkenstein on E?  Plays the show pretty level, stops every once in a while to feel up on himself and talk between his parts.  Kyle & Justin fill in on the vocals every time he messes up.

Kyle comes home from show.  Wife sitting on couch waiting for him.

Maggie:           I just talked to Dave.

Kyle:               Yeah?

Maggie:           I was wondering what was taking so long, and he told me about your new singer.

Kyle:               Yeah, it was a pretty good show, he did alright.

Maggie:           That’s great because he kinda sounded like a psycho who killed one person and injured a few others in the parking lot.

Kyle:               Well, the guy who died was an idiot.

Maggie:           DUDE!  Your last lead singer is in jail, and this one freaks out and gets violent before shows?  What the fuck!? 

Kyle:               Babe, I’m

Maggie:           I mean, you know I love your music, and I’m 100% behind the band thing, but we have a family, and this seems kinda crazy way out of hand.

Kyle:               Look, it’s OK.  We do have some problems with the singer but we’re working through them.

Maggie:           Where did you find this guy?  I mean Dave says he’s all mutilated and he beats himself and shit?  I’m really scared.

Kyle:               Honey, Dave’s just exaggerating, it’s ok, it’s just . . .

Maggie:           How did you guys find him?  What’s the story?  Be straight with me.

Kyle:               Well . . . it’s kinda complicated . . . Justin . . . . we tried some auditions . . . well, and whewwwwww.   We made him.

Maggie:           What?

Kyle:               Me and Justin.  We made him.

Maggie:           What do you mean?  What, he’s a robot or something?  What are you talking about you made him?

Kyle:               All those nights I was so late, we were using body parts and dna to make our own lead singer, that’s it.

Maggie:           THAT’S IT!!??  Are you cheating on me?

Kyle:               WHAT!?

Maggie:           Well what the fuck!!?  What’s all this bullshit, you’re saying you made some kind of zombie person to sing for your band!?  I told you to be straight with me, what the fuck is up!?

Monster comes through the door with Justin chasing behind him.  Gives Kyle a hug and apologizes for knocking him down earlier.  Kyle and Justin work to hurry him out the door.

Kyle:               So, that was our lead singer.

Maggie:           (Laughing) Holy Shit!  Oh my god!  I can’t believe . . . . I can’t believe . . . Holy shit!!  You . . . You . . . What the fuck!?

Kyle:               What?  Why are you laughing?  I told you what happened.

Maggie:           What the fuck did you do?  Did you even think . . . did you even think about what you were doing?

Kyle:               Of course!  Well.  Mostly we didn’t expect it to work, but . . .

Maggie:           I mean, do you remember everything we talked about when we found out I was pregnant?  You bring this whole other crazy adult drug addict life into being without even thinking about the ethical obligations?  The karmic consequences?  That’s a whole life that you’re responsible for!?  And you do this without even discussing with me?

Kyle:               Look, I told you, we didn’t think it would really work.  And mostly, it’s Justin’s thing.  I mean . . .

Maggie:           KYLE!  We have a baby!!

Kyle:               Well, now she has a cousin.

Maggie:           (Laughing again)  I can’t believe it.  I can’t believe you could do something like this without even talking to me.  Haven’t you seen Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein?  Have you even thought about everything that could happen?  I mean, he’s already killed a person!  How could you not think about this!!?

Kyle:               Look, I’m sorry.  You’re right.  We weren’t ready.  We just . . . we just never really thought it would work, I guess.  I’m sorry, and I promise whatever happens, I’ll make it right.

Maggie:           Well from now on, you better tell me what’s going on.  Or.  Or you know, I really don’t have to know.  As long as it doesn’t make it into our home, or endanger our baby . . . I don’t want to know.

Scene driving Punkenstein to a show, he crosses himself every time they pass a flag.  A cop pulls them over and monster accidentally kills him. 

A girl falls in love with Punkenstein and is hanging out with him all night, through the show and stuff.

Next scene.  Early morning, Punkenstein accidentally kills her and becomes really sad.

Justin:              Punkenstein, what did you do?  Man, that’s not cool.

Monster:          I fucked up!

Kyle:               Violence against girls is never cool. 

Monster:          Wails I didn’t mean to!

Justin:              It’s ok, there will be other girls.

Monster:          Want HER! Wails

Justin:              Well then you should have been more gentle.

Monster:          Wails

Kyle:               We better get rid of her.

Monster:          Fix Her! Wails

Justin:              How?  She’s Dead.

Monster:          Like Me.

Justin:              We can’t do that again.

Monster:          Wails.

Kyle:               Pulls Justin Aside - Dude, we should             just do it really quick, we have a show tonight.        

Justin:              We can’t just keep doing this!

Kyle:               What’s the big deal?  He’ll probably just accidentally kill her again in a few hours.

Justin:              Holy shit this is fucked.

Kyle:               Come on, we just got to get her head back on, that should be easy.  I’ll go find some duct tape.

Justin:              So, so fucked. Picks up head and starts looking up head & down neck to find connecting parts.

Next scene hand wrapping duct tape around neck.  Then we have dead Kelly propped in tub; camera looking in from behind her back.  Looking at both guys staring down at her pensively.

Kyle:               So, orgasm energy, huh?

Justin:              Yup.

Scene goes to outside the door and you hear two zips.

Next scene back in the bathroom, girl in tub, camera from behind her again at two guy looking down pensively.

Kyle:               So how long does it to take to work?

Justin:              I think it would have happened already.

Kyle:               That dumb hippy bitch friend of yours wasn’t telling us everything.  She probably did this as a joke.

Justin:              We better go get her. (started moving out house)

Kyle:               Who knows what she did.  That may be why Punkenstein has all the problems he has. 

Next scene girl sitting crosslegged on couch with laptop on lap, music playing, incense burning, and smoking a pipe when two guys walk in through open back door.

Kyle:               What did you do to Punkenstein?!

Girl:                 Come on in.

Kyle:               See she’s a dumb hippy stoner, that’s what’s wrong.

Justin:              Was there anything you left out about orgone energy?

Girl:                 There’s tons I left out, but none that pertained to your situation.

Kyle:               Well then how come it didn’t work?

Justin:              Kyle!

Girl:                 Wait you guys are doing this again?

Justin:              Look can you come with us, it’s an emergency, we got a show tonight.

Girl:                 How many more of these you plan to make?

Justin:              She’ll be the last one.

Kyle:               Maybe not the last time, but . . .

Justin:              Fucking Kyle!

Girl puts stuff away, then show them walking into bathroom.  Camera from behind bride’s head again at all three of them, shows girl walking up to corpse in tub, touching girl’s forehead, and rubbing her fingers.

Girl:                 Is this nut?

                        Show bride’s face with two cum clumps on it.

Kyle:               We just did what you said.

Girl:                 You jiz all over her face and think that’s going to bring her to life?  I swear to fucking god, if men don’t get a clue soon you’ll be obsolete in 3 generations.  Get out – unzipping pants

The guys go outside into the living room & close the door.

Kyle:               You know, I don’t think we should have ever got her involved.  I really don’t like the idea of her character being at all imprinted in our creatures.

Justin:              You think she can really have that big of an effect on them?

Kyle:               I don’t know about this shit!  Who knows how what she’s thinking about while she diddles herself affects them.  And what if there’s subliminal shit in that training video?

Justin:              I thought you liked the video?

Kyle:               That’s what I’m saying!  It could all be a trick.

Justin:              You’re just being paranoid.

Kyle:               I think we should go see what she’s really doing.  Starts heading towards the door.

They hear a sigh and then a gasp.  They open the door and the girl is washing her hands while the bride is alive and looking around.

Justin:              That was quick.

Girl:                 3 Generations.

Kyle:               Whatever Dyke!

Girl:                 Me a dyke?  oh no.  I love cock . . . a lot.  And most girls annoy me . . . a lot.  That’s why I’m warning you guys.  I want you to succeed.  In an all too overly mechanized world, I’d like to assure the availability of good ole-fashioned, all natural, free range organic cock in our future.  Good luck.  Exits.

Do a pretty good show.  Punkenstein flailing around.  Justin looking at monster with pride and love.  Monster’s  girlfriend is just sitting looking up with no emotion or interest.

Monster:          Throughout show, between & during songs mumbles from the following -  Fucking Game.  And you’re the fucking monkey.  Fucking Joke.  Not even funny.  I’m not their tool.  They think they can just play with us.  How fucked. 

Audience is loving it.  They’re all happy. Guys from other bands talking with them about doing a show together in Vegas over the weekend.

Next scene is next day at Justin’s house they’re getting ready to go to Vegas.

Kyle:               Here we go!  I can’t believe this shit is finally working out.

Justin:              I don’t know dude, the monsters aren’t very happy.

Kyle:               What are you talking about?  Did you run out of drugs?

Justin:              No.  But the girl doesn’t do anything, and Punkenstein is really bummed out.  Maybe we should back out of the show tonight and give them some down time.

Kyle:               Fuck that shit; we’re going.  They’ll get over it.  What’s her problem?

Justin:              She’s like a walking zombie.

Kyle:               I told you we shouldn’t have trusted that dumb stoner girl!

Justin:              She’d probably say it was our fault.

Girl drives up, pulls white board out of car, and begins lecturing:.

Girl:                 The time you spend putting the pieces together works much like the formative stages of a fetus in the womb.  Just as everything the mother is thinking about contributes to the cellular memory of the fetus, everything you were thinking and feeling while putting Punkenstein together was imprinted into his cells.  Now, since all you did was tape the bride’s head back on and spurt on her face, that’s all the personality you’re going to get out of her.

Puts white board back in car and leaves.

Next scene Kyle, Justin, and monsters are in a car on the way to Vegas.  Kyle is trying to get them hyped up; Justin and monsters looking really somber. 

Monster:          (Before show kisses bride on forehead, holding her head) I’m sorry I ruined you.

Girl’s eyes soften for a second then she looks numb again.

Monster:          Throughout show, between & during songs mumbles from the following -  How fucked.  What do we want to do?  What’s the point of doing anything?  For what?  For who?  None of those dumb fucks are worth it.  Why bother?  Fuck them.  Nothing’s going to change.  They’ll keep fucking everything up.  Over and over again.  Over and over again. 

Kyle:               To Justin  What the fuck does he keep mumbling? 

Monster:          Thank you very much.  We’ve all decided:  Life is a pain in the neck.  Sticks broken drumstick through neck, gushes blood and falls & dies.  There’s black marker writing on arm  . . . DO NOT REANIMATE..

Justin:             NO Don’t!

Kyle:               WHAT THE FUCK!?

Justin:             Where did we go wrong; how did he get so emo at the end? 

Kyle:               Must have been the Ian McKay DNA. 

Justin:             Killing yourself . . .  that’s so weak! 

Kyle:               Or maybe it’s the ultimate act of defiance?  Maybe he refused to continue living in assent of others’ whims. 

Justin:             Yeah but then he should have killed us, not himself. 

Kyle:               Yeah . . .  if we were the man.  But we’re punks, so the ultimate rebellion against us would be to turn emo. 

Justin:             Fucking self-righteous bastard . . . (tearing up) I’m going to miss him . . . he was my son.

Kyle:               So now what do we do?

Someone at bar yells, “Get that fucking mess out of here!  What’s wrong with you people.” 

“Start Houston We Have a Problem” song playing in background.

Justin:              I guess we get to clean this up.

Kyle:               And then what?

Justin:              Well.  You know we kept having to fill in for him when ever he fucked up.  Why do we even need a front man?  We could handle the vocals.

Kyle:               I didn’t think I could before, but you’re right, we’ve been.

Justin:              I mean, after all this!?

Kyle:               Yeah, we might as well fuckin’ try.

Justin:              Exactly.

Bride walks up looks down at monster walks over to chair and sits down looking numb as ever.

Kyle:               What the fuck do we do with her now?

Justin & Kyle looking at each other, dead monster, and bride. Next scene driving in car; bride in backseat alone.  They sit bride out on bench on patio outside of whore house.  Show them driving off and her sitting there with Bunny Ranch sign on top door.

Then show a bunch of government vehicles driving up and parking.  A bunch of old men run out of car giggling  and head into the house.  Car Door Opens, and George W. stands out of car looking irritating yelling.

W:                   Hurry it up.  You know that women ain’t my thing.  Alcohol, coke, and fucking everything all to hell is my thing.  Does classic Bush villain shoulder laugh.  Sees bride sitting on bench and tries to compose himself and wave at her in a presidential manner. Starts to smile all shy and is captivated by the void in her eyes.  Tilts his head toward angle looking confused (synchronized with music) as he moves towards her.  He sits next to her on the bench and looks at her.

                        Hi.  I’m the president, nice to meet you.  Of the United States of America.

Bride continues to stare ahead blankly.  W tries to put his face in front of her and make eye contact.  Puts his hands over hers.

Rove:               What are you doing?  Get back in the car!

W:                   Isn’t she beautiful.  I’ve never met anyone so rigid and lifeless.  Just look at her eyes.  Like she’s completely devoid of feeling.  It’s hot.

Rove:               Uh huh.  Ok it’s time to go.

W:                   I’m not going.  I’m staying with her, we’re in love.  Wraps his arms around her.

Rove:               That’s it, we don’t have time for this.  MED GUY!

Someone pops out of car and blows dart through tube.  Show W grab his neck with dart underneath.  And fall over.  Two men come grab him and bring him to car.  Rove shoots Bride and she falls over and dies as he scurries away pulling out phone.

Rove:               Call one of our press contacts and start a rumor that McCain just killed his whore lover in Nevada.

Show scenes of band playing Houston song.  Justin looking at Kyle all proud with brotherly love.

President sulking around office. 

Aide:               Mr. President you need to do the press conference.

W:                 I don’t want to talk to those fuckers.  I don’t want to deal with any of you fuckers anymore.  Why can’t I go back to my girlfriend?  I don’t want to be president anymore.

Cheney:           Go talk to the reporters, then we’ll talk about your girlfriend.

W:                   Addressing press (press yelling, Mr. President, Mr. President) Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to talk about love.  From now on this administration will be focusing on (man blows dart again upon signal, W grabs over his neck again.  Some men carry the president out, press secretary gets up to podium and press acts oblivious to everything that just happened).

Show band playing song again, then show President in office drawing pictures of Bride and has pictures of bride and him all over walls.  Show Laura Bush leaving office angrily.  Cheney comes up to President and tears paper away from him.  President struggles, and Rove puts whiskey bottle and bag of coke in front of him in place of his drawing.. 

Show band playing song again juxtaposed with President strapping on arms and supplies, puts black stuff on face then puts a W Halloween mask over his face.  Show him savagely killing his cabinet by jumping on Rove like an animal and biting his face off.  He jumps on Cheney and sticks his hand in his chest to pull his heart out, but just pulls out some wires and gears and Cheney starts malfunctioning in spasms all cyborg like.  He guns down the whole Supreme Court and launches grenades and starts shooting at all the congress people.  This is all to the Top Gun solo in the Houston song.  Show scenes of people running out of buildings screaming.  Then news on TV showing people running, reporters showing pictures, Headlines President Snapped, Fox Headline – President under the influence of Democrat Voodoo.  Show picture of Bride on TV.  Justin and Kyle bringing gear in house see TV and start jumping up and down laughing & pointing. Song coming to end, sound coming back in from TVs

Show a bunch of TVs all spouting a bunch of noise:

Nobody knows what happened . . .

Nobody knows what’s going to happen . . .

Where will the country go from here . . .

Mass chaos is expected to break out everywhere and armed forces are trying to prepare . . .

Who will carry us out of this . . .

Looks like the end is definitely here . . .

All those godless people in Hollywood brought this upon us all . . .

The people will start hitting the streets and acting like animals . . .

And an omniscient voice beams . . .

VOICE:          Then, amid all the noise, a single voice of reason rang through. 

Camera narrows to one snowy screen and a cardboard cut out of Stan from South Park pops up in front of that TV.

Stan:                Look.  We all know the human animal is capable of all sorts of fucked upness.  Historically, we’ve tried to deal with the fucked upness by hiring a few humans to regulate our totally fucked species.  But over and over again, the humans we hire are about as fucked up as any human could get.  So, after seeing all the totally fucked shit that all these different rulers have done, is it that unreasonable to try not having a ruler for a change?  I mean, is it so crazy to see if individuals everywhere could just be sensible and fair with one another?  Sure people will still do fucked up shit, but without hiring all these fucked up psychos to regulate everything, maybe the masses could naturally move towards squashing out all the fucked upness. I mean, can’t we all just fuckin’ try being fair and reasonable with one another without having any dipshit in charge!?

(TV shows scenes behind him of all different fucked up shit ordered by all different fucked up leaders – from holocaust, Hiroshima, 9/11, Iraq Torture rooms, Christmas shopping crowds slipped in, black dude from Bruce Springsteen video slipped in).

Show scenes of people working together harmoniously while Omniscient Voice announces:

And the people all realized in a moment of synchronized epiphany, "Oh yeah, we're the fucking MASSES!"  And they came to know that masses would forever be the equalizing variable force that could easily foil all of the corrupt plans that work so hard to enslave them. 

And man looked upon his fellow man and said, "what silly notion distracted us all from the inherent truth that we don't have to put up with all this bullshit?"  And fellow man replied, "we were too busy fucking each other over."

And then hordes rushed their local global Wal Marts in glorious laundry detergent and toilet paper looting sprees and stopped to shit on Ashcroft's lawn while reading their favorite nudie magazine or "dangerous" title.  Gas station clerks activated pumps everywhere without payment, Grocery Store clerks bagged people's food while discussing recipes and skipping the ringing up step.  Pharmacists started bringing some of their personal pot stash to work to fill Paxil and Zoloft prescriptions.  Utility billers re-routed all bills to the CEOs.  Stockers price tagged everything in accordance with their own reasoning.  Teachers taught students how much the department of education was screwing them both.  Truckers drove their shipments into ghettos across the world and malnutritioned kids ran in screaming excitedly at all the goodies while worshipping the Santa Claus trucker.  Bank clerks handed each customer a cool grand with every transaction. Police officers ushered CEOs off golf courses and into prison cells and released non-violent drug offenders to make more space.

And Jack Black declared to the Corporate Greed Machine, "You shouldn't have fucked us so hard!"  And we all laughed and laughed before gleefully engaging in a happy hallucinogen orgy on the White House lawn.

Oh yeah, and we all died happily after and didn't care what happened next as we had a whole lot of fun spending existence livening up life.  

The Beginning.

Black screen, start song, Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

Words on Screen:

And that’s how collective punk conscious accidentally achieved the most reasonable revolution ever and set the stage for what was always thought to be unthinkable . . . peaceful, prosperous, sensible, and just anarchy.

Black Screen

No feelings were hurt during the making of this movie.

Black Screen

Start running credits

Isn’t This                     Song Rad

It’s By                         Impatient Youth

Looked for                  More By Them

No Luck                      There So

Looked Up                  The Lyrics

Found That                 It Was An

Actual Serious             Patriotic Religious

Song Sung                   By Soldiers

Funny Shit                  Huh?

So How                       Did You

All Like                       The Film

Pretty Fucking                        Awesome Right

Talk Amongst             Yourselves

The following fine people contributed to the making of this fabulous abomination:

Songs used in Movie

In the Night                                                    – Bad Religion

I think I’m Wonderful                                    – Damned

I want to be a Cholo                                       – Manic Hispanic

Houston we have a problem                           - Thurmus

Various song clips from local bands

Praise the Lord & Pass the Ammunition        – (Impatient) Youth